1. Sing the Batman Theme Incessantly
2. In the memo field of all your checks write "for sensual massage."
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101 ways to annoy people :)

  1. Sing the Batman theme
  2. In the memo field of
    all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
  3. Specify that your
    drive-through order is "to go."
  4. Learn Morse code, and
    have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip
    Bip Beeep Bip..."
  5. If you have a glass
    eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to
  6. Amuse yourself for
    endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the
  7. Speak only in a
    "robot" voice.
  8. Push all the flat Lego
    pieces together tightly.
  9. Start each meal by
    conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will
    "swipe your grub".
  10. Leave the copy machine
    set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
  11. Stomp on little
    plastic ketchup packets.
  12. Sniffle
  13. Leave your turn signal
    on for fifty miles.
  14. Name your dog
  15. Insist on keeping your
    car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned
  16. Reply to everything
    someone says with "that's what YOU think."
  17. Claim that you must
    always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut
  18. Declare your apartment
    an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your
  19. Forget the punchline
    to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
  20. Follow a few paces
    behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
  21. Practice making fax
    and modem noises.
  22. Highlight irrelevant
    information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
  23. Make beeping noises
    when a large person backs up.
  24. Invent nonsense
    computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the
    appearance of ignorance.
  25. Erect an elaborate
    network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider
  26. Finish all your
    sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
  27. Wear a special hip
    holster for your remote control.
  28. Do not add any
    inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the
    impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
  29. Signal that a
    conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  30. Disassemble your pen
    and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  31. Give a play-by-play
    account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
  32. Holler random numbers
    while someone is counting.
  33. Adjust the tint on
    your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like
    it that way."
  34. Drum on every
    available surface.
  35. Staple papers in the
    middle of the page.
  36. Ask 1-800 operators
    for dates.
  37. Produce a rental video
    consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
  38. Sew anti-theft
    detector strips into peoples backpacks.
  39. Hide dairy products in
    inaccessible places.
  40. Write the surprise
    ending to a novel on its first page.
  41. Set alarms for random
  42. Order a side of pork
    rinds with your filet mignon.
  43. Instead of Gallo,
    serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
  44. Publicly investigate
    just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
  45. Honk and wave to
  46. Dress only in clothes
    colored Hunters Orange.
  47. Change channels five
    minutes before the end of every show.
  48. Tape pieces of
    "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
  49. Wear your pants
  50. Decline to be seated
    at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash
  51. Begin all your
    sentences with "ooh la la!"
  53. only type in
  54. dont use any
    punctuation either
  55. Buy a large quantity
    of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  56. Pay for your dinner
    with pennies.
  57. Tie jingle bells to
    all your clothes.
  58. Repeat everything
    someone says, as a question.
  59. Write "X - BURIED
    TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
  60. Inform everyone you
    meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy
  61. Repeat the following
    conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone
  62. Light road flares on a
    birthday cake.
  63. Wander around a
    restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
  64. Leave tips in Bolivian
  65. Demand that everyone
    address you as "Conquistador."
  66. At the laundromat, use
    one dryer for each of your socks.
  67. When Christmas
    caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically
  68. Wear a cape that says
    "Magnificent One."
  69. As much as possible,
    skip rather than walk.
  70. Stand over someone's
    shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  71. Pretend your
    computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
  72. Try playing the
    William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done,
    announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
  73. Drive half a
  74. Inform others that
    they exist only in your imagination.
  75. Ask people what gender
    they are.
  76. Lick the filling out
    of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
  77. Cultivate a Norwegian
    accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
  78. Routinely handcuff
    yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off
    "in case the big one comes".
  79. Deliberately hum songs
    that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the
    Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
  80. While making
    presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
  81. Lie obviously about
    trivial things such as the time of day.
  82. Leave your Christmas
    lights up and lit until September.
  83. Change your name to
    "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim
    it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
  84. Sit in your front yard
    pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  85. Chew on pens that
    you've borrowed.
  86. Wear a LOT of
  87. Listen to 33rpm
    records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your
    "superior mental processing."
  88. Sing along at the
  89. Mow your lawn with
  90. At a golf tournament,
    chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
  91. Ask the waitress for
    an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
  92. Go to a poetry recital
    and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  93. Ask your co-workers
    mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter
    something about "psychological profiles."
  94. Stare at static on the
    TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
  95. Select the same song
    on the jukebox fifty times.
  96. Never make eye
  97. Never break eye
  98. Construct elaborate
    "crop circles" in your front lawn.
  99. Construct your own
    pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the
  100. Make appointments for
    the 31st of September.
  101. Invite lots of people
    to other people's


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